The Inner Demon of Perfectionism

I’m such a perfectionist! Maybe you can relate? It isn’t a quality I particularly like about myself. In fact, it is one of my most destructive qualities.

For the decades that I struggled with anorexia it was one of the key things that drove the illness. I was on a relentless pursuit to “perfection”. The “perfect” me was always another pound thinner. The thing is, even if I weighed in at seventy pounds the standard for perfection was never achieved because now I had to weigh sixty-nine pounds … and then sixty-eight pounds and on and on. Perfection was never attainable because the bar was always raised and nothing was ever ‘good enough’.

I think the driving force behind my striving to be perfect has always been a need for love and approval; things my parents never gave freely. So I’d work overtime to be perfect in everything I did in a misguided effort to feel worthy of their love. But that need to be perfect once instilled in the psyche is a very difficult thing to overcome even when we come to realize all the reasons why we seek it. Perfectionism is a self-limiting belief that keeps us from joy and inner peace because nothing we do is ever quite good enough.

In my work as a writer and artist I find that little ‘demon of perfectionism’ rearing it’s ugly little head all too often. The worst thing about it is that it’s paralyzing to the creative process. Art and writing is about letting go and letting the creativity simply flow! I have found – especially in the mixed media art that I have been doing recently, that it is all about being playful and having fun. Mixed media art for me at least is about expressing the inner child. The language of the child within is one of playfulness and joy – definitely not perfection!  Perfectionism shuts you down almost instantaneously. Should the ‘inner demon of perfection’ deem that you’ve created something less than perfect, suddenly you are a failure. If you aren’t careful self-defeat takes over and giving up altogether isn’t far behind. Unless you can see it for what it is – a self-limiting belief that hasn’t one iota of truth to it! You see the real truth is that what my eye sees as a huge mistake in an art project, you may see as beautiful! My “screw-up” just might be your “Wow”! 

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My first mixed media project is of an angel. The first time I did this I thought I put on too much glitter, and I didn’t like it. So I tried again. The second time, I added heart cutouts. I didn’t like that either. It felt a little like child’s art project. After my second attempt the self-doubt began creeping in. You know the thought process: I can’t do this who am I fooling! I am not good enough! I just suck at this! Maybe I should just give up?” That’s when that inner voice said quite loudly, “NO! You can DO this! Just relax! Play! Have fun! BELIEVE in yourself! ” So I fought the nasty little demon and forged ahead! This is what came of that last effort. I loved her. But this piece wasn’t finished quite yet. Little did I know that I was being guided, and that a message and a lesson was unfolding especially for me.

I felt guided to include the word, ‘BELIEVE’. At first I thought it meant, believe in angels or have faith. But that didn’t feel quite right either. Suddenly it dawned on me. This angels message of ‘BELIEVE” meant, ‘believe in yourself”!  Yes, believe in myself! Believe I can do this! Believe I can be successful! Believe in the talents God gave me. I got it! This message was meant for me! It was time to stop allowing the ‘inner demon of perfectionism’ to rule my life, and believe in me!

We should of course always strive to be the best we can be, but giving something our best effort isn’t what I’m speaking of here. I’m speaking to perfectionism with a dark and sinister side that’s able to create within the psyche so much anxiety of failure that we are afraid to even make an attempt at trying. We have to face the fact that every one of us messes up. We are going to fail at things, and that’s okay!  Nobody is perfect and the amazing thing is, we don’t have to be! As long as you are a human being, that’s reality. All any of us really need to succeed in life is belief in ourselves and that we carry within us the power to be or do anything we set out to.

My angel messenger now graces the wall beside my computer where I am still knee-deep in the manuscript for my book: “Love’s Pure Light”. I had intended to gift or sell this piece until I realized how deeply personal this message was. As I go forward, whether in my writing or my artistic endeavors, whenever my ‘inner demon of perfection’ rises up in an attempt to defeat me this angelic messenger will serve as a reminder to believe in my abilities and myself. She will serve as my permission slip to fail because sometimes failure is part of learning, an often-vital part of the creative process, and just perhaps like my angelic messenger, a wise teacher with a message not to be ignored!

Love …
Belinda Rose

Happy Mothers Day In Heaven Mom

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Many of you already know that my Mother passed away last week. Needless to say this has been a very difficult time for me. I can recall so many times over my entire life telling Mom that the day she died would be the worst day of my life. She would just smile and say,”Let’s hope that doesn’t happen for a long time.” But that day finally came on April 29, 2015.

I think that she passed so close to Mother’s Day has made her leaving even more difficult. I can’t imagine celebrating my own Mothers Day without her.I told myself, I could spend this Mother Day grieving…crying and sad all day or, I could choose another path. A higher path that would pay tribute to her life. But what could that be? Then I recalled how elated she was when a year ago last spring I told her I had went back to the Catholic Church. So many of our conversations since then were spent with her asking questions about church, my prayer life, my spiritual work, and my devotion to the Blessed Mother.

Even though I was raised Catholic, devotion to Mary was not something instilled in me as a child. I really never “got” why so many Catholics were so devoted to her. Apparently Mom didn’t either, because she never spoke about it. Then last year, Mom and I had a HUGE argument over my older brother. I won’t go into the specifics of that right now, but let’s just say my heart was broken and it left me feeling abandoned and betrayed by her. I pulled away from her to regroup and deal with my pain, and that’s when I “met” Mother Mary.

It was as if she was calling me to her. I became interested in reading books and learning all about her. I felt impressed to begin praying the Rosary daily. Then in the fall, I was led to do the Consecration to Mary. For those of you that aren’t familiar, and don’t understand what that means, it is really a Consecration to Jesus through Mary. It is a path of uniting your life ever more closely to Christ.

As I drew closer to Mary, I felt her motherly love embracing me. Even though I was feeling abandoned by my own Mom, I understood I had a spiritual Mother that loved me and would never leave my side. A beautiful blessing had emerged from the pain.

During this time I set my rosary intentions; asking the Blessed Mother’s intercession on two things, first…helping my husband find a new job, because on December 31 he would be losing his job of 18 years, and second… the situation with my Mom. Both prayers were answered promptly. My husband found another job, and didn’t lose one days work during the transition. As for the situation with Mom, it wasn’t long after this she began calling on the phone again and her demeanor had changed. She missed me she said. She began calling twice a day as she had for years. But this time around she wouldn’t get off the phone until she’d said,”I love you, honey.” Our relationship was even stronger than before!

Mom began to take a larger interest in my work, the book I’m currently writing and the prayer group I had told her I wanted to begin. She was excited about both. When she passed last week, one of my thoughts was how sad it made me she wouldn’t ever get to hold my book in her hand or be a witness to or a part of my prayer group. But perhaps her passing has only allowed her to be an even greater part of all I do, because I know without a doubt her presence is still with me watching from a better place.

So, as a tribute to my Mom, I can think of nothing that would make her happier than to launch my prayer group on Mothers Day weekend. I was going to wait until my heart had healed a bit, but diving into this project and reaching out to others is perhaps the best healing for my heart of all the things I could do.

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Prayer Missionaries of Our Lady, is the name of my new Facebook group devoted to intercessory prayer. It is for any one of any spiritual persuasion or not, that needs prayer. If you feel called to join the group and pray with us for others, you can also do that. Here is the link https://www.facebook.com/groups/Prayermissionariesofourlady/
This is a “secret” group for privacy. If you are interested in joining for prayer or to pray, you can read all about the group by following the link.

Personally, I will pray a Rosary daily for the intentions of those in the group seeking prayer. I’ve felt drawn to do this for a long time now, but the details didn’t become clear to me until the Blessed Mother came into my life, and I did the Consecration. I truly believe the Divine Mother is holding my hand and guiding my path with this group; a path that I pray will bring a glimmer of light and hope to those in need.

I will miss my Momma beyond words, but I’m holding on to a deep belief that her love and presence is with me now in a new way. Now she is free of all the pain she was in, and for that I’m thankful. Now she is free to work on my projects with me, and not just as a passive bystander. I hope she is smiling affirmatively to that last comment, and it makes her as happy as it makes me. This Mothers Day although I’ll miss not seeing her face or giving her a hug, I won’t focus on my loss. Instead, I’ll choose to focus on the love we will always share; a love that transcends this physical existence. I will look forward to the new journey she and I are beginning together all the while knowing one day I will see her beautiful smiling face again one day at Heaven’s Gate.

❤️❤️Happy Mothers Day in Heaven, Mom! I love you forever! ❤️<3 photo 2(2)

Happy Mothers Day…
Love,
Belinda Rose

Will You Let Your Heart Be Broken?

“Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.”
― Bob Pierce
Starving Child Vulture

What breaks your heart? I’m pretty sure that your first response to that question isn’t going to be unrepentant sinners, starving children or the homeless. Yet, such things are exactly what break the Heart of our Lord. If we truly love Him with all our heart and soul, then shouldn’t what breaks His Divine Heart break ours as well? For example, when one of our children is hurting in any way, we as parents hurt with them. We want to do whatever it takes to alleviate their pain and suffering and console them. Shouldn’t we feel the same about our Lord? Shouldn’t we care what breaks His Heart, for it is His Heart of Divine Mercy and compassion that bled for each of us on a Cross.

I bet some of you might be saying to yourselves,”Well, if such things as starving children or the homeless break His Heart, then why doesn’t He do something about it? After all, He IS God?” I guess I would answer that question by replying,that’s where you and I come in. WE are His Hands and Feet in this world. He calls each of US to do His work on Earth.

It seems to me, that if we truly love our Lord, then we should want to soothe, comfort and console His Heartache, by serving Him. We should care about our brothers and sisters, and our planet. We should care if others are starving when we have plenty, that someone else is without shelter when we have a roof over our head, that people throughout the world are being persecuted for their religious beliefs when we have religious freedom, or that many that walk in darkness have yet to hear the good news there is a way out of that darkness through the unfailing love of the Divine.

I am really NOT trying to sound like I’m preaching here, but this is a topic I am passionate about. I realize that most of us have busy lives and that we are trying are darnedest to keep food on our own table and our roof over our head. I get that, because this is my life as well. And I just bet you, the Lord “gets it” too! I don’t think He necessarily expects us to do big over the top things, but little things. We can all do something to help someone hurting somewhere, even if it is to just pray for them. We don’t have to be rich to become God’s instrument of Love and Light in this world! We just have to say,”Yes!” It is our “Yes” that opens us to the workings of the Spirit within our own souls, so our gifts and talents can be used in this world for His Good. We can dare to pray that those things that break His Heart would also break ours,so that our own souls can grow in compassion and mercy toward suffering. I really believe this is the first step to allowing ourselves to become His Hands and Feet in this world.

I’d like to share a poem I wrote about this topic and a video. While the poem is mine, the video is not. But this video truly made me feel so grateful for something as simple as clean water that runs out of my faucet any time I choose. We in the western world are so blessed by our conveniences. All those little things we take for granted others in this world have no idea of. I hope you will take the 3 minutes to watch this inspiring video and see if afterwards you don’t feel humbled and grateful in a whole new way for the many blessings in your life.

By the way, this video is from an organization that helps children in poverty, World Vision. I can personally attest to how wonderful of an organization World Vision is because we have sponsored a young girl through them for ten years now. We also have another child through Children International. I’ve seen how much our small monthly contribution has truly helped these children over the years.

We can all make a difference in this world, whether through word, deed or prayer. Let us pray that our hearts be broken for those things that break our Lord’s. Let us love Him enough to put our love into action in some way and not let it be merely lip service. Let us step up and step forward and say,”Yes, Lord! I will go! Send me! I love You and I want to console and comfort Your Sacred Heart that bled and died for me.”

Will You Let Your Heart Be Broken?
by Belinda Rose

Will you let your heart be broken for a world in need?
Will you feed His hungry? Will you bind the wounds that bleed?
Will you minister to someone that simply needs a little love?
Will you pray to be an instrument of our blessed Lord above?
Will you be a witness to the lonely soul that somehow lost its way?
Will you let your heart break for the sinner every time you pray?
Will you offer up the cup of water or the needed loaf of bread?
Will you be the hands reaching out to help…serving in His stead?
Will you be the voice that speaks to all that have not heard…
of the mercy, hope, and love found within His Word?

Will you ask to be His servant and go where He has trod?
Will you give your life to glorify our living Father God?
Will you ask to be a way in which He can reveal His Grace?
Will you offer to be the one He uses to fill the vacant place?
Will you give of what you have to ease another’s pain?
Will you give it freely without one thought of reward or gain?
Will you be His instrument of Light that His Truth may set another free?
Will you let your heart be broken as His was…on a Cross for you and me?

©2014 BelindaRose
All rights reserved

‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ “Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ “These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” ~ Matt 25:44-46

World Vision- The Zambia Project from Janssen Powers on Vimeo.

I had the pleasure of shooting this piece for World Vision. To say it was an eye opening trip would be an understatement. As crazy as it is to imagine drinking contaminated water everyday, it's even crazier when you realize that so many people spend the majority of their time just looking for it.

World Vision is an amazing organization doing great things in Zambia and all over the world. To learn more about their effort to bring Zambia clean water, visit www.worldvisionwater.org.

Shot and Edited by: Janssen Powers // www.janssenpowers.tv
Music: Tony Anderson

A Most Perfect and Divine Love

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“Prayer is the door to great graces. If this door be shut, I do not see how God can bestow them.”
St. Teresa of Jesus

Jesus said,” Pray always.” He was not speaking just to his disciples when he said that, but to every single one of us. Prayer is the key to knowing God. Without it we cannot hope to ever cultivate a deep and intimate relationship with Him, because prayer is a loving conversation between God and our soul. It is through “praying always” that we abide in Him and know His presence with us. But what is meant by “praying always” and how do we achieve that in our spiritual lives?

To “pray without ceasing” or to “pray always” is to acknowledge God in all that we do during our day. It is no different than having a conversation with a friend, family member or co-worker. Speak to God as if He were your very best friend…because He is! Let your first thought each morning be to thank Him for a new day before you step out of bed. Ask Him what you can do for Him this day as you are making breakfast. Talk to Him as you drive to work about your day ahead…your kids…your spouse…what your happy and grateful for…what your distressed about. Before you close your eyes to go to sleep thank Him again for life itself. It really doesn’t matter, because you will always find God within you and He is always available to listen and to embrace you in His loving presence.

Even though our day has included a continual conversation with the Lord, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take out time during our day for a more structured prayer time, and that can mean many different things to different people. For me, it is centering prayer, divine reading and my rosary everyday. For you it may look much different. But I will say that I think the surest way to truly know God is to cultivate some type of daily mediation practice, because it is when we sit in the Sacred Silence and still the mind, we give God a chance to “speak”. It is in silence we are still…quiet and simply listen.

I could talk to you for a very long time about prayer, because it is such an important part of my life. But what I really want to do in this post is to share a prayer I wrote with you. This particular prayer is all about God’s Love. I have found in my own life that when I am down, troubled, fearful or worried that this particular prayer has helped me to overcome my negative mindset.

I titled this prayer,”A Most Perfect and Divine Love”, because that is the truth we need to remember when we are in a place of negativity and fear…God loves us with a perfect and divine love. We need to remember how much God loves us…remember His promises…allow the presence of His Divine Love and Light to fill our hearts, minds, souls and life. I find when I do that, the dark clouds around me lift and I am able to find new strength, think more clearly and move forward to face whatever I must.

You can use this prayer a bit like a meditation if you’d like. So that you can easily do that, I recorded it as a five minute mp3 that you’ll find below, right below my name. Before you begin, take a few deep breaths and still your thoughts. As I read it, close your eyes and let the words soak deep into your mind, heart and spirit. Imagine you are being showered with the brilliant golden light of Divine Light. In the Light of God is where you can experience His Love and Presence. Use your imagination! It is okay! As a hypnotherapist, I know for a fact that using the imagination can have a profound healing effect on the body and emotions. But that topic is a whole series of new blog posts for another time!

Before I go, there is one thing I’d really like for you to do for me after you listen…let me know if you found this recorded prayer useful. Did it help you or benefit you in any way? If so, please comment below, leave me a message on Facebook or at least click that little “like” icon at the end of this post. I’d like to know if this is something you’d want me to continue to share with you from time to time, so please let me know your thoughts.

I hope…and I pray, that you will find healing in this prayer journey and most of all that you’ll experience God’s most perfect and divine love in your own life.

Love to you..,
Belinda
A MOST PERFECT AND DIVINE LOVE/ By Belinda Rose/

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A Most Perfect And Divine Love Prayer
©2014 BelindaRose
All rights reserved